11 Most Memorable Simpsons Quotes

In fairness, we could write a post about the top 200 best Simpsons quotes, but then we’d be doing that all week.

“It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.”

Character: Homer

Episode: “Colonel Homer” (S3E20)

Context: Marge is mad that Lurleen Lumpkin isn’t as ugly as Homer has made her out to be.

Of all Homer’s self-serving philosophies, this must be the most self-serving. Good thing Marge doesn’t put up with it.

“I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.”

Character: Kent Brockman

Episode: “Deep Space Homer” (S5E15)

Context: Footage of Homer’s spaceflight features extreme close-up shots of ants, which leads Kent Brockman to jump to a nonsensical conclusion.

Substitute the word “insect” for whatever’s new and cool and this quote works in nearly every situation.

“There’s a 4:30 in the morning now?”

Character: Bart

Episode: “Bart’s Comet” (S6E14)

Context: As a punishment, Bart needs to wake up early to help Principal Skinner with his amateur astronomy.

We feel this way every single time we wake up early for a flight or something.

“You don’t win friends with salad.”

Character: Homer (then Bart and Marge)

Episode: “Lisa the Vegetarian” (S7E05)

Context: Homer doesn’t want to serve salad at his BBBQ (the extra B is for BYOBB; that extra B is a typo).

Arguably, Marge’s response about not wanting to take sides but getting caught up in the rhythm is an even funnier line.

“Don’t make me run. I’m full of chocolate!”

Character: Üter Zörker

Episode: “Lisa on Ice” (S6E08)

Context: Homer is snapping a wet towel at Üter after giving the rest of Lisa’s new hockey team a lecture about not bullying her.

Poor Üter. You were full of chocolate until, one day, you disappeared.

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try.”

Character: Homer

Episode: “Burns’ Heir” (S5E18)

Context: Bart and Lisa try to become Mr. Burns’ heir so they can inherit all his money when he dies, but they initially lose the contest.

Homer’s philosophy summed up in a nutshell.

“I used to be with it, but then they changed what ‘it’ was, and now what I’m with isn’t it. And what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to me.”

Character: Grandpa Simpson

Episode: “Homerpalooza” (S7E24)

Context: In a flashback, Grandpa wants young Homer and Barney to stop singing young people music and they make fun of him for being old and out of it.

Whenever our kid shows us a new TikTok dance, this is exactly how we feel.

“Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.”

Character: Homer

Episode: “Mountain of Madness” (S8E12)

Context: Bart is complaining about teamwork, sharing and tolerance, and Homer is fascinated.

The good thing about this quote is you can use it sincerely or ironically.

“Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.”

Character: Homer

Episode: “How I Spent My Strummer Vacation” (S14E02)

Context: Homer gets filmed complaining about his life in a show called Taxicab Conversations; his kids want to know if he’s actually upset about being a dad.

As funny as this quote is, you’re going to want to be careful about actually quoting it.

“Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.”

Character: Homer

Episode: “Treehouse of Horror VII” (S8E01)

Context: President Kang has enslaved humanity. When Marge laments this, Homer is smug.

Like that would have helped, Homer.

“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”

Character: Ralph Wiggum

Episode: “Lisa’s Rival” (S602)

Context: Lisa and her new rival Allison help Ralph with his broken (yet award-winning) diorama.

This episode also had the classic “I bent my wookie,” which must be the second-best Ralph non sequitur of all time.