11 Most Memorable Simpsons Quotes
By Distributel
In fairness, we could write a post about the top 200 best Simpsons quotes, but then we’d be doing that all week.
“It takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.”
Character: Homer
Episode: “Colonel Homer” (S3E20)
Context: Marge is mad that Lurleen Lumpkin isn’t as ugly as Homer has made her out to be.
Of all Homer’s self-serving philosophies, this must be the most self-serving. Good thing Marge doesn’t put up with it.
“I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.”
Character: Kent Brockman
Episode: “Deep Space Homer” (S5E15)
Context: Footage of Homer’s spaceflight features extreme close-up shots of ants, which leads Kent Brockman to jump to a nonsensical conclusion.
Substitute the word “insect” for whatever’s new and cool and this quote works in nearly every situation.
“There’s a 4:30 in the morning now?”
Character: Bart
Episode: “Bart’s Comet” (S6E14)
Context: As a punishment, Bart needs to wake up early to help Principal Skinner with his amateur astronomy.
We feel this way every single time we wake up early for a flight or something.
“You don’t win friends with salad.”
Character: Homer (then Bart and Marge)
Episode: “Lisa the Vegetarian” (S7E05)
Context: Homer doesn’t want to serve salad at his BBBQ (the extra B is for BYOBB; that extra B is a typo).
Arguably, Marge’s response about not wanting to take sides but getting caught up in the rhythm is an even funnier line.
“Don’t make me run. I’m full of chocolate!”
Character: Üter Zörker
Episode: “Lisa on Ice” (S6E08)
Context: Homer is snapping a wet towel at Üter after giving the rest of Lisa’s new hockey team a lecture about not bullying her.
Poor Üter. You were full of chocolate until, one day, you disappeared.
“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try.”
Character: Homer
Episode: “Burns’ Heir” (S5E18)
Context: Bart and Lisa try to become Mr. Burns’ heir so they can inherit all his money when he dies, but they initially lose the contest.
Homer’s philosophy summed up in a nutshell.
“I used to be with it, but then they changed what ‘it’ was, and now what I’m with isn’t it. And what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to me.”
Character: Grandpa Simpson
Episode: “Homerpalooza” (S7E24)
Context: In a flashback, Grandpa wants young Homer and Barney to stop singing young people music and they make fun of him for being old and out of it.
Whenever our kid shows us a new TikTok dance, this is exactly how we feel.
“Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.”
Character: Homer
Episode: “Mountain of Madness” (S8E12)
Context: Bart is complaining about teamwork, sharing and tolerance, and Homer is fascinated.
The good thing about this quote is you can use it sincerely or ironically.
“Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.”
Character: Homer
Episode: “How I Spent My Strummer Vacation” (S14E02)
Context: Homer gets filmed complaining about his life in a show called Taxicab Conversations; his kids want to know if he’s actually upset about being a dad.
As funny as this quote is, you’re going to want to be careful about actually quoting it.
“Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.”
Character: Homer
Episode: “Treehouse of Horror VII” (S8E01)
Context: President Kang has enslaved humanity. When Marge laments this, Homer is smug.
Like that would have helped, Homer.
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”
Character: Ralph Wiggum
Episode: “Lisa’s Rival” (S602)
Context: Lisa and her new rival Allison help Ralph with his broken (yet award-winning) diorama.
This episode also had the classic “I bent my wookie,” which must be the second-best Ralph non sequitur of all time.