The thing about minor Simpsons characters is they end up getting bigger and bigger roles. One day Cletus shows up as a throwaway gag about being a slack-jawed yokel, and the next thing you know, he’s appeared in over a hundred episodes, occasionally starring, with a rounded out family to boot. So, with that in mind, here are some of our favourite Simpson’s characters who still haven’t grown too big—yet.
If there’s one thing we know, it’s that Ol’ Gil’s coming back! Based on Jack Lemmon’s character in Glengarry Glen Ross, Gil showed up when Marge took a job as a realtor and never left Springfield, always popping up whenever the script called for a sad sack.
Key Quote: “Now let’s talk rust proofing. These Calecos will rust up on you like that [snaps] . . . shut up, Gil, close the deal, close the deal!”
Lowest Moment: Forced to live in a promotional balloon basket “until things pick up.”
When the balloon is stolen by Homer and Marge, they toss out and break Gil’s hotplate, for which he “only had two payments left.”
Raphael is the bald, sarcastic wise guy who seems to occupy every single customer service and middle management position in Springfield. He has a sort-of New York accent, calls people boyo, and every single person in Bronson, Missouri, sounds like him.
Key Quote: “A fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan? You must be a devil with the ladies.”
Jobs Worked: Pet store clerk, tech store clerk, gun store clerk, garage owner, taxi driver, repo-man.
If Raphael works every customer service job, the Squeaky-Voiced Teen gets to work every horrible entry-level job, especially those in fast food. Prone to disaster and always reliant on his manager to get him out of trouble, the Squeaky-Voiced Teen is the awkward teenager in all of us.
Key Quote: “Here’s your taco, mister. Oops, it fell in the fryer. I’ll get it out. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!”
Family: The Squeaky-Voiced Teen won’t give a lane to his own mother on league bowling night—and his mother happens to be Lunchlady Doris.
The Unibrow Baby
Gerald Samson, better known as the Unibrow Baby, is Maggie’s nemesis. If we ever see him, he’s exchanging glares with Maggie. Their enmity stems from the day they were both born, when Maggie was given the last diaper in the hospital and Gerald had to make do with an old newspaper.
Key Quote (from Mayor Quimby): “Baby Gerald, we can’t help but wonder what mischief you’ll get into next.”
Hobbies: Smashing butterflies at the Ayn Rand School for Tots.
The surly lunch lady at Springfield Elementary, Lunchlady Doris is sarcastic and joyless, completely unapologetic about the poor-quality food she serves, which includes beef hearts and a bizarre milk substitute called Malk.
Key Quote: “There’s very little meat in this gym mats.”
Significant Other: She once dated Hans Moleman.
A corporate executive and nothing else, Lindsey Naegle has worked in TV, telecoms, and politics. Everywhere she goes, she’s poised, articulate, intelligent—and totally transparent. She treats a date with Ned Flanders like a pitch meeting, only to be interrupted by a fax informing her she’s being sued.
Key Quote: “Children are our future. Today belongs to me!”